Finding a job is a lot like dating.
When I was dating, a first date felt eerily like a job interview to me. “What do you do?” “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
Now I’m off the dating market, but I still have many friends who lament about how difficult it is to date in today’s world. Similarly, I hear a lot of people expressing their frustration with job hunting and how difficult it is to search in the current job market, what with news of tech layoffs every day and AI disrupting the industry.
I understand how frustrating and discouraging looking for a job can be. So in order to try to help make it less painful and to help you be more resilient, I’ve come up with 5 pieces of advice for job seekers (inspired by my dating experience) to help you not only survive but to thrive on the job market.
1. First impressions matter.
In online dating, the first thing people see is your photo. The same thing is true of recruiters looking at your LinkedIn profile. Make sure that, first of all, you HAVE a photo on LinkedIn. And then make sure that photo is friendly and open – smile, please!
I once mentored a job seeker who was extremely friendly and had great experience, but his LinkedIn profile photo made him look like a serial killer. Would you swipe right on a dating app if you saw someone that looked like a serial killer? I hope not! Your photo doesn’t have to be perfect – but it should clearly show your face, and preferably with a smile so that you look warm and welcoming.
2. It’s all about who you know.
Would you rather date a complete stranger, or someone introduced to you by a mutual friend? Having a mutual friend comes with a lot of positive signals – not only is it like a personal vetting system (“this person is not a serial killer”), but if your friend is friends with them, chances are you share some similar values or backgrounds. You’re friends with your friends for a reason – you have things in common with them, whether that’s working in a similar industry, having similar interests, or similar cultural backgrounds.
The same goes for professional connections. A referral goes a long way toward getting a job. It comes with this unspoken system of trust and shared values. So before you’ve even met a recruiter, you already stand out above and beyond the candidates who applied cold – because there is someone vouching for you.
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Nobody likes being ghosted. Not in dating, and not in job searching. Treat everyone with respect, and respect their time and energy. If you’re contacted by a recruiter, get back to them as soon as you can. Even if you’re not interested in the position – contact them to let them know.
Now you might be saying, “But recruiters ghost me all the time – why should I show any respect to them?” Do you really want to sink to that level, or do you want to rise above it? What kind of person do you want to be – one that treats everyone with respect, setting a good example and spreading positive vibes; or one that proliferates negativity?
4. Show interest, but don’t get too excited.
When I first started using dating apps, I got REALLY excited about the very first person I matched with. We had a lot of interests in common, and we were messaging back and forth all the time. I thought – wow – maybe this is the one! I can already get off these stupid apps! But after just a few days of intense messaging, he broke things off before we even got the chance to meet. His reason was that he wasn’t in a good headspace to be in a relationship. I was devastated, but I shouldn’t have been – I didn’t know him at all! We hadn’t even met! But I was so attached to the idea of him, and of not having to spend any more time searching for a partner.
You might have experienced something similar on the job hunt. Everything with the interview process seems to be going great, only to be told the company is “going in a different direction.” So my advice to you is – don’t get too attached to one company. If you’re excited about the role and the company, then clearly express your interest, but don’t get too far down the road of starting to imagine your future with this company. This will keep you resilient so that if it doesn’t work out, you can more easily pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go on to find another company that wants to work with you as much as you want to work with them.
5. Be kind to yourself.
Something that I observe all too often with my clients is burnout from the job search. They feel like they need to be working on their job search during 100% of their free time. They feel guilty if they don’t, they feel like they’re slacking, and if they could only send out 10 more CVs this week, then that job will be just around the corner.
How would you like to spend 100% of your free time dating? That sounds awful – when would you have any time for yourself? When would you have time to invest in the things that bring you energy, so that you can bring positive energy to your dates and show up as your best self?
It’s the same with job searching. If you’re burnt out, you’re not showing up as your best self, and that’s probably going to reflect in your interviews. So my final piece of advice to you is – be kind to yourself! Spend time on the things you love to do – whether that’s going for a walk in the woods, playing with your dog, grabbing a coffee with a friend, or curling up with a good book and a mug of tea. Figure out what makes you feel refreshed and energized, and make time for that. It’s absolutely critical to take care of yourself during this often stressful process.
I’ll leave you with a quote from an article that I read recently from Indeed comparing job searching to dating:
“Finding the right job is like finding the right relationship: When it’s a good match, it can bring out the best in us, challenge us to grow and provide a sense of belonging and achievement that enriches all aspects of our lives.”
I’m confident that you’ll find the right job for you! If I can support you in any way on your journey, please reach out to me. I’m here to help.
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If you’re currently in the throes of a job search, I’m building a community for job seekers to help you with everything from finding roles outside of LinkedIn, to honing interview skills, to negotiating your offers. The community will include group coaching, virtual community meetings with other job seekers, and additional resources. If this sounds interesting to you, join my waitlist here: https://tally.so/r/wkX50r. I’ll contact you when the community is launching!
If you’re interested in a more personalized experience where I’ll help you get clear and confident about your job search through CV reviews, mock interviews, and coaching techniques to help you build your confidence and resilience. Just click on the button below to set up an intro call with me to take the first step toward your next chapter!